Reprogramming (3 Day Fast)

After recently completing a month long Cold Shower Challenge, I was already looking into how else can I challenge myself. Searching through articles and videos led me to the idea of intermittent fasting. Intermittent fasting is when you eat one meal a day and fast for the rest of the day. I was extremely confident I could handle that so I felt like I needed something more challenging. Soooo..when I came home Monday Night from a networking event, for some reason I told myself I’m starting first thing in the morning. No more holding off challenges. No more I’m waiting until the 1st so I can start the month off fresh. IM STARTING NOW. Well not exactly right now, since I was finishing my last plate from Thanksgiving Leftovers which was washed down with a glass of Red Wine. 🤷🏽‍♂️🍗🥧 🍷. But I told myself first thing in the morning I’m going on a water fast for 24 hours. Just water nothing else. Water, prayer an a little bit of discipline. After all that’s the point of this fast anyway. Building mental strength and fighting temptation. Of course once the hype died down and the morning came I kinda forgot about those fasting plans an I had my usual cup of coffee to go with my Wife. The funny thing is as soon as I finished the coffee I knew I messed up. “You know you done effed up right.” Even though some people say Black Coffee is ok during a water fast, the point of my recent challenges have been to show discipline, build mental strength, and fight temptations. Plus I had milk and sugar in the coffee so that was disqualified anyway. It was around 9am at that last sip of coffee. Tuesday Morning. So I knew I just had to make it to Friday Morning 9am. Just water. Nothing else. Water, prayer, an a little bit of discipline. Oh yeah, and how do I not mention this challenge to my Wife lol. Because let her tell it, I turn into a grumpy old man whenever I haven’t ate for a while. *Insert “You’re Not Yourself When You’re Hungry” Snickers commercial. So not only did I have this 24 Hour Challenge. But I also had the challenge of completing it without my Wife knowing. I needed to prove to myself that I can keep my hunger mood in check lol. Along with the more important reasons I mentioned. Since me and my wife don’t see each other much throughout the day, I knew it wouldn’t be that hard to avoid her knowing about the fast. Especially with 2 evening events on Tuesday and Wednesday. Those were nights I knew we probably wouldn’t eat dinner together anyway. But what will happen in the morning once she notices she’s the only one with our usual Coffee to go. 🤔😟. And just like I thought. Wednesday morning. 22 hours into my 24 hour fast, she notices there’s only 1 cup of coffee an of course it’s for her. “You didn’t make a cup for yourself?” I simply replied “Nah not today” Lol. Straight to the point to avoid any possible follow up questions. She didn’t have any follow up questions but she did jokingly say “Oh you changed.” So that’s how my fast was coming to the end. Then I felt like the challenge wasnt enough. There wasn’t much resistance and temptation in that first 24 hours. And the challenge wasn’t about food. It was more about the discipline, building mental strength, and fighting temptation. So I decided at that moment. 72 Hours. 3 Days of Just Water. Water, prayer an a little bit of discipline. That 2nd day was tougher than the first. Especially when it’s Wednesday an I’m at a bar for my weekly Vibes In The City event. I got offered a few drinks that night but I had to decline. So once I conquered that I knew the last day would be a breeze. 48 Hours passed by since I had anything besides Water, it’s Thursday morning and Surprisingly my Wife didn’t ask about the coffee this time. Oh this really about to be a breeze. Lol. NO NO NO. WRONG. As I was functioning through the last day of this fast, I started to feel my energy get low. I was moving a little sluggish and now I was starting to question myself. A lot of doubt start kicking in. And this day was also tougher because I had a lot of running around to do. Running around on a empty stomach was tough but I didn’t let it effect my day or mood. Whenever I felt the grumpy granpa hunger mood kicking in, I changed my thoughts to something positive. As dinner time approached Thursday night, I knew my body would start anticipating the next day when the fast will break. That made it a lot tougher. It was almost like a dog who knows when they’re getting closer to their everyday tree. Lol My body knew but my mind stayed strong for me. 3 Days. Just Water, prayer an a little bit of discipline. And my Wife didn’t notice. Or maybe she did and just thought “Here he go with another one his crazy challenges” Lol

Reprogramming (Cold Showers)

The last few months, I’ve been attempting to reprogram my brain. I wanted to break out of daily routines that I felt were assisting in procrastinating habits. I was feeling stuck in life. Happy. But stuck. Nothing getting worse. But nothing getting better. So naturally fear started kicking in. Fear of being in the same place in 5 years. Or even 1 year honestly. Especially since I’ve always been curious about learning and creating. So for me, being stuck meant I needed to figure out something FAST. After doing a little research, everything was coming back to reprogramming your brain. Proving to your mind that things are the way they are because we only do what we we’re use to. And as humans we don’t like being uncomfortable. But when you’re trying to break Generational Poverty in your family like me, it’s going to get more than a little uncomfortable. So I started thinking what’s some of the smallest challenges that would provide discomfort for me. Things I do everyday that I can do the total opposite of. BINGO. Cartoon lightbulb over my head lol. What if I took cold showers instead of hot. That might not sound like a life changing challenge but I tried this before when it had nothing to do with trying to reprogram my brain. It was just one of the hottest summers ever an I wasn’t excited about hot showers and hot weather. So I thought ok I’ll just take cold showers the rest of the summer. That shouldn’t be too hard plus its Soooo hot outside. That lasted about 3 days. Failed challenge that wasn’t even a challenge. Fast forward to now at a time when I was gonna try it for a totally different reason. I knew I had to be serious. No goals though. No expectations. Even though in the back of my mind I felt like if I can do this for a month straight that would be a big win. 1st day was rough lol. My body wasn’t ready for the shock but I gutted it out. 2nd and 3rd day was similar to the 1st. By the time I hit the 7th day, only the initial shock of the cold water was rough but my body adjusted fast. After 30 Days of Cold Showers first thing in the morning. I was thinking “Oh this a breeze” No pun intended. But it what it really did was prove to myself that even when knowing things are going to be uncomfortable, you have to fight through. You have to be discipline and consistent. The cold shower hack was something to create a shift in my thoughts. Something that I knew would be uncomfortable. Those 30 Days strengthened my mental capacity because sometimes we won’t take risks in our lives out of fear and thinking “I can’t do that” or “I tried that already an it didn’t work.” But as I said, when you’re trying to break Generational Poverty in your family like myself…things are gonna be a little more than uncomfortable. You’re gonna try some things and fail a lot. A WHOLE LOT. But once you figure out how to tolerate the uncomfortability you’ll realize things are not as hard as you think they are. We just have to train our minds to get stronger. That mental strength will start to transfer to other parts in your life. An it’s not about the Cold Showers. Lol. That’s just what I did to start my reprogramming. Pick something in your Daily Routine that you think would be uncomfortable to change. And change it. Cold Turkey. No “I’m starting on New Years” Nooooo pleeeeaase Noooooo 😒🚿🛁

Regrets (College)

There’s not many things I regret in my life. But 1 thing I use to regret before meeting my wife and starting to write this love at 1st conversation story, was my decision to not go away for college. As a kid, that was always a goal of mine to go away after high school. And not for the degree or to accumulate overwhelming debt. But for the experience. The chance of seeing something different. The opportunity to be around different cultures. Different backgrounds. I would say different races but that wasnt a big deal breaker for me after going on a college tour in 10th grade to some of the Historic HBCUs. I was sold on Virginia State after 10 minutes. Howard was a close 2nd but either one would’ve been just fine in my books. No pun intended. But I never even filled out a application for either University. Actually I don’t remember filling out 1 for any University AT ALL. My old AAU Basketball coach even set something up for me to go to a Junior College in Pennsylvania. The College Coach called me and and we had a good conversation. The application came in the mailbox a few days later. I opened it once, looked at it and maybe even wrote my name and address. Then I said nah I’m good. I don’t know what it was. That resistance of leaving my comfort zone use to haunt me and sometimes I still go through those tug of wars with myself. Comfortable and Content. 2 things that don’tallow you to grow and live. And where I’m from we call a 40 minute ride to the beach a road trip. I’m not exaggerating. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the day one of my boys told me he was Out Of Town an I asked him where did he go. He said Morristown. Like Morristown, New Jersey. We live in Newark,New Jersey. 25-30 Minutes tops, depending on which part you starting from. Maybe that’s why the few times I did get to go outside of the Jersey turnpike I would impulsively say “I’m not going back” LOL. But that’s what happens when you rarely leave. Everything else feels like the great escape. But I was never looking for the great escape. Just something different from the daily corner store,chicken shack, liquor store run. Weekly barbershop stop. Occasional Downtown stop. Occasional mall trip especially being in Mall Capital. Waiting for my best friend to pull up and ask what’s the plan. Only to realize after hours of hanging around..We have no plan 😒 lol. An of course, the twice a year road trip Jersey Shore beach run. Seeing something different for a year or two or 3 or 4 with people I’ve never met would’ve probably filled that void of curiosity. Or maybe not. I can’t say what it would’ve been because I never even took the shot. I don’t regret it anymore or at least now I can say it’s a regret I can live with. But I’ll probably always say “What If.”

“Gotta learn to live with regrets” – Jay-Z (Regrets)

You Ain’t Got The Answers

I always found it funny that when we were kids we often found ourselves saying things like “I can’t wait to move out” or I can’t wait to until I’m old enough” or “Why does(insert any older sibling or relative name) get to do such and such an I can’t just because they’re older.” Then times flies and we get to move out of the house. And we’re finally old enough to get those “privileges” that our older relatives had. Suddenly, the tune has changed to “why can’t things be like when we were kids.” Is it our fault for that reaction? Do we intentionally make life harder than what it is. Or have we been misled into to thinking that being an adult means life HAS to be overwhelming and you can’t enjoy the world innocently like when we were kids? Sometimes I feel like I’m close to the answer and sometimes I’m still confused. Lol 🤷🏽‍♂️ .I just keep hearing Kanye West scream “You ain’t got the answers”

Alarm Clocks

I’ve never been a fan of Alarm Clocks. I understand why they are neccessary but I think when we become too dependent on them it ends up doing more harm than good. Either it wakes us up before our body wants to get up, our body adapts to ignore it, or the snooze button is getting its money worth. In my opinion, neither is good. Being forced out of bed usually leads to starting the day off grumpy. Now you don’t know why you’re mad at everybody and why every little thing is bothering you. On the flipside if your body adapts to ignoring the alarm then what’s the point of the alarm. Lol. Now I’m just sleeping through the storm. And the snooze button…THE SNOOZE BUTTON…Is Nevvveeeer good…That 5 minute snooze usually guarantees you will be late or cutting it as close as possible. From personal experience, most of my best days have came when my mental alarm woke me up. Regardless of the hours I slept. Like today. I woke up at 5:21 am after falling asleep at 1:30am. No alarm. The baby wasn’t crying lol just my mental alarm. An I felt a lot better than the previous day when I got about 6 hours of sleep in. Ran through my morning Routine and for the 1st time in weeks I hit the gym for a quick workout. Now I wouldn’t think that’s the healthiest way to rest over a long period of time but Alarm clocks just dont do it for me. This is just my personal opinion. No research. No Data. No studies. But I do understand why they are neccessary. Sometimes the day gets out of control and now we have to shut it down a little later than usual or sometimes we HAVE to get up a little earlier or sometimes we might need a cat nap throughout the day and the only thing to make sure we dont fall into a deep sleep is a alarm. So I get it. I have alarms on my phone for daily reminders but I recently turned off my morning alarms. And thankfully my body has already got accustomed to getting up before 6am everyday. Unfortunately though, I haven’t been able to escape alarm clocks in full because my wife insists on having her goes off at 6am. Then 6:05..then 6:15..then 6:30. Then 7. Lol “Nooooo…please cut it off. I’m already woke. I will just wake you up at 7 if that’s the deadline”. I’m waiting for the day we can agree to that. Then maybe no more early morning alarm clocks going off for a hour 😒☹😴 lol.

Day 7

I’ve only been blogging for 7 Days but I’ve been writing my whole life. Whether it’s been Music, Screenplays(mostly unfinished) Goals, Plans, Ideas etc. I’ve never been short on words to write. Notebooks on top of notebooks on top notebooks filled with a bunch of thoughts from my head. Since I’m not much of a talker..depending on who you ask lol. Writing has always been my best way to express myself. It’s always been something I’ve leaned on for some form of therapy. And when I say I’m not much of a talker I’m not saying it in a standoff type of way but since a kid I’ve never been the chattery type. I don’t even think chattery is a word but it made sense in my head lol. And when it comes to things I like to talk about or people I like to talk to, we can talk forever. In today’s text culture I still appreciate a 2 hour phone conversation with my closest friends or with strangers about intriguing topics. But we come into this world by ourselves. And in the grand scheme of things we leave by ourselves. That’s why alone time is important. Quiet time. The chaos of the world can be overwhelming at times. An for me, writing is that small window of escape. For the last few months I’ve been waking up between 4am and 6am to make sure I get a head start on the day. And I’ve been filling up my notebooks with more of my thoughts. It’s only been SEVEN DAYS since I started blogging but I feel like I’ve got so much out of my system that’s it has opened up so much more room for ideas. SEVEN DAYS. So imagine Seven Weeks. Seven Months. Seven Years. The thought of what can come out of that has me excited. So now the hack for me is to get a bunch of Seven Day wins. Small wins equal small celebrations an I have a beer that’s been in my fridge since last Sunday. But I told myself DONT TOUCH IT until you accomplish a goal that’s important to you. An 1 really important small goal was to post a blog everyday for 1 week. The funny thing about that is with my drinking history that’s another small win in itself. And SEVEN DAYS was all it took to show myself what a little bit of discipline can do. Now that I’m about to post this for my first small win with blogging. I’m ready for the football games to start today to have that Cold One that has been staring me down for SEVEN DAYS lol. Cheers 🍺🍻

The Game

Since 1995 I’ve been a Ohio State College Football Fan. It was a Saturday afternoon when me an a few of my Pop Warner Youth Football teammates were sleeping over at one of our coaches house the day before our Sunday game. It was my 1st time at a sleepover that wasn’t family so of course that felt like a big moment in itself lol. Then at some point of the day I was the only one in the Guest Room watching TV and College Football was on. I don’t remember both teams that were playing but what I do remember is that White,Grey and Scarlet Football Jersey. An of course as a kid at the time I probably didn’t know Scarlet was a color so to me it was White,Grey and Red. Ironically my youth football team colors was Red and White. But it wasn’t just the colors that got my attention. It was the way Number 27 ran the ball. It was the way Number 24 played Cornerback. It was the way that team played the game. And those were 2 positions I dreamed of playing in High School and College. Running Back and Corner Back. Number 27 was Heisman Trophy Winner Eddie George and Number 24 Shawn Springs. 2 of the greatest Ohio State athletes ever. The way that team played football was the reason I fell in love with College Football which led me to finding out Saturday was College Football Day. A few weeks after that day I got introduced to what is referred to as “The Game”. Ohio State vs Michigan. The biggest rivalry in College Football. Arguably the biggest rivalry in sports. 23 years later an I’m always excited about this Saturday. Sometimes as you grow up you lose the passion for certain things you loved as a kid. But not this. Not The Game. And usually not things that you can pinpoint when you fell in love with them. That Fall Saturday in 1995 is forever etched in my heart. And today will be all about that one thing I learned as a Ohio State fan. No matter what’s the records. No matter if a National Championship is on the line. Or a trip to the Rose Bowl. Whatever the circumstance is. BEAT MICHIGAN Lol. That’s All That Matters.

Banana Pudding (You Know Why I’m Here)

Sometimes people just want their banana pudding how they’re used to having it. Old Fashioned. Classic. Custard. Wafers. Bananas. That’s it. No Strawberries. No Chocolate Chips. No Other Cookies. No Ginger Snaps. NO GINGER SNAPS lol. Now I’m not a chef in any stretch of the imagination but if there’s 2 things I pride myself in making ..it’s Pancakes and Banana Pudding from scratch. Every Thanksgiving, Family and Friends usually put me on the Banana Pudding duties an I’m glad to take on that because I really enjoy making it an as we all know small wins count. So if everybody loves the Banana Pudding then it just makes the holiday personally a little better lol. But this year I wanted to try something different. I wanted to be Extra. More Showtime Lakers. Less Tim Duncan Spurs. More Greatest Show On Turf Rams. Less Brady-Belichick Patriots. More Splash Brother Warriors with a Kevin Durant on the side. Less 2004 Pistons. More Migos. Less A Tribe Called Quest. That last comparison might be a reach but you get where I’m going right? I was going for the Conversation. The “If people don’t leave raving about it did I really bring the Banana Pudding” conversation. Lol. An it really wasn’t much different about it. The Custard from scratch. Nilla Wafers. Bananas. Aaaannndd Ginger Snaps. Yes. Ginger Snaps. Aaaannndd melted Polish Chocolate. My wife got a gift on Thanksgiving Eve and it was a bag of Polish Chocolate. And for some reason since being on this getting back to my core journey, Everything is all of sudden supposed to be some sign from the Universe. Loooolll 😂😂(seriously laughing right now) My wife said she probably wasn’t gonna eat the Chocolate so BINGO. Cartoon lightbulb over my head. This must be a sign from the Universe. They found a way to send me Chocolate to add to the Banana Pudding Recipe that I already added Ginger Snaps to. It was like I was adding Karl Malone aaaannndd Gary Payton to a Laker Team led by Shaq and Kobe. An naturally I’m thinking. Oh this is gonna be the talk of the night. GUARANTEED. I made it with love. From the soul like always. Took my time. It looked amazing. This definitely is Splash Brother Warriors. Greatest Show On Turf Rams. Showtime Lakers. Bad and Boujee Migos. An if you follow College Basketball. This is Definitely Zion Williamson-RJ Barrett Duke. Sure Shot right? Nope. It wasn’t The Banana Pudding that everybody already loved and expected to get. They got something that I thought they would love. And the funny thing is everybody did say it was good. I thought it was really good too. But you know what’s really good too. An even better when its expected to be good or gets the same results without the Extra. Tim Duncan Spurs. Brady – Belichick Patriots. 2004 Pistons. A Tribe Called Quest. Good Ole Fashioned Homemade Banana Pudding that became a Holiday Staple. Yes change is good sometimes. But sometimes people just want what they want and what they were expecting lol. An for this specific  situation I felt the same way. Tradition has to override personal experiments sometimes. I mean  it was Thanksgiving and family asked for Banana Pudding. The Banana Pudding they got used to. In the words of Marshawn Lynch. “You know why I’m here”

Happy Thanksgiving

Over these past few months of getting back to my core, I’ve attempted to simplify things in my life. Declutter. I wanted to see if Less is really more. And so far it feels better. And the crazy thing is the more that I gave away or cut back on it has gave me more room to be grateful and thankful for the things that really keep me at peace. And this morning I just realized that in my Immediate family that we are now building the new foundations and traditions for our Thanksgiving Holiday. And that feels weird when the heads of that are mid 30’s and late 20’s. Thanksgiving usually feels like its supposed to be speared by the Grandparents and Older Aunties lol. But I guess at some point the Transition has to happen. Strangely today was the first day I realized the Transition happened a long time ago. My Cousin and Oldest sister have been holding down Thanksgiving for the family for almost 10 years now and their only between 30-32. It’s easy to overlook that when “so much” is going on in your life. So if this decluttering phase has taught me one thing it’s that getting rid of most of the junk and unnecessary things does bring you a little closer to the treasures and things that are neccessary. Like 2 Strong Ladies in their early 30’s holding down a family on Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. Be Grateful. Be Thankful.